Stages of a Relationship
In this year’s May-June issue of my newsletter, Tranquill at Twilight, I discussed romance in marriage (or the lack thereof). But, even with plenty romance, ‘couple’ relationships, in general, go through stages. Even so-called ‘throuple’ situations go through stages, but we’ll leave that where it is.
Relationships, whether successful or unsuccessful, touch on certain phases or stages. Couple relationships become successful long-term ones when the parties move through certain stages smoothly and without jumping past steps which foster closeness. Each stage has aspects that generate fresh feelings, create challenges where there is growth through conquering them, and lastly, new opportunities for relationship development.
In my novels, the couples reside in, revisit, and reject these phases. Let’s take a look.
Stages 1 & 2
The first stage of a relationship is the romance stage. In this stage, parties try to please one another and avoid hurting the other. Also considered the courtship or ‘fantasy’ stage, it can last from two months to two years. Here is where it appears couples have so much in common, they’re almost one person. Couples spend extensive amounts of time together and conflict is overstated in this stage. The ‘romance’ phase serves as the foundation upon which the rest of a couple’s relationship is built. Because these romantic feelings stimulate endorphins in the brain, oh, it’s a happy time. And with this effect, this time of extreme happiness, couples hope the feeling will ever ends. And, for those couples with that ‘cosmic’ connection, in many ways, it doesn’t (good for them). In my novels, Rick and Viv Phillips (Like Sweet Buttermilk) have that ‘cosmic’ thing going on, and Joshua and Cecily Hall (Broken Benevolence) seem destined for the same. But a bloom does fall off the rose, doesn’t it?
Stage two: the disillusionment stage. This stage is full of reality checks. During this phase, a partner’s faults and weaknesses come to light. Partners notice the other is not so perfect after all, but if a strong connection still exists, their faults aren’t deal-breakers. Despite any shortcomings, overall parts of him or her are still good. The best skill utilized during this stage (and all stages, really): effective communication. In my novel, Obscure Boundaries, Jeff Winthrop is quite disillusioned when it comes to second wife, Ruth.
Commitment is For …
They say good things come in threes. The third (and final) relationship stage is the commitment stage. This phase involves partners transitioning their bond into a more real and deeper love. Here, the partners know each other’s weaknesses and have learned to both accept and deal with them. These partners do not need each other but choose one another. This is where the team aspect, the partnership component solidifies. They are committed to seeing this thing, through—because it’s worth it. Successfully reaching this phase, often leads to a revitalized (and permanent) stage one appearance.
While stage one serves as the foundation for what follows, it’s really stage two that determines a relationship’s mettle. Couples skipping stage two, going from romance to commitment (vis-à-vis marriage) aren’t likely to fare well. So, allow a relationship to take its course through the stages. If you don’t survive stage two, well, at least you tried. A new opportunity for a relationship awaits. Love is a good thing. So, try, try again. Nothing beats a failure but—
Well, you get the idea.
